i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
