guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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