apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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