I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
