your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
