Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
