I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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