she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
