how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
