So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
