So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
