i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
