i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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