But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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