I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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