On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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