You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
