guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
