3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if only i could text you this smell
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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