We won't sleep together?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
