What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
