Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
