What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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