i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
