You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
