you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
