I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
