I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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