then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
