I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize