Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
