My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
