sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
