I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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