Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
