I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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