Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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