I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
