I wannas sexs uuuuu
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
