a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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