Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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