I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't turn off my feet"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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