i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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