um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mom said you looked used
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
