she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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