Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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