Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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