Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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