I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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