Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
