I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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