Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
