one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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