WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
