Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
