I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
