Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
