lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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