Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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