She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
